So if you’ve followed this blog for any length of time you know that becoming a mom was an extremely difficult part of my human experience.
Although I always envisioned I would have children, having them proved crazy overwhelming and difficult in EVERY way. I did not feel like a “natural” parent. I felt as unnatural as I could possibly feel.
This was due in large part to the terrorizing post-partum depression and anxiety that clobbered me my first 1.5 years of parenting, stripping away any potential joy that a mother usually experiences when they first have a child. Recovering from that has been a game of life or death – seriously. Some days I imagined my child and the world better off without dealing with the burden that was my raging anxiety and paralyzing depression.
As my son has gotten older (he’s 5 now) I have definitely matured a TON and have come to a place of respecting myself as a parent and honoring the way I parent in relation to him. That being said, I still struggled mightily when it came to understanding his evolving personality, his HUGE feelings, his staunch rebellion, and his blistering impatience. For being such a kind and bright kid, he had these components of his personality that felt really extreme and impossible to manage. This ushered in a whole new challenge in parenting and in feeling deficient as a parent.
Until, I decided to TRULY apply what I have learned about Human Design not just for MY experience of life, but also in relationship to my son.
I combed over his chart – again – paid close attention to his inner authority, his defined centers, the channels he carries that I don’t and all of a sudden, I began to “get” him in a way I had not before.
Early on after his birth I did do his natal astrology chart and learned that his chart is dominated by FIRE which is evident in the way he experiences the world, but it wasn’t until much later that I’d really access human design and really not until last year that I decided to surrender to my own experience of living my design.
Why does parenting FEEL so impossibly hard?
I’ve come to realize the reason parenting feels so crazy hard is actually quite simple – we parent according to OUR design and OUR conditioning, not according to our kid’s design.
To use human design terms, as a non-emotional Projector (which both my husband and I are), we don’t understand the needs of our Emotional Projector child (which my son is) and so we interpret his explosion of emotion as ‘unnecessary’ or ‘disruptive’ when it’s really him just discovering enormous emotions and needing to get clarity from them.
Children need to be parented differently according to THEIR design.
This is perhaps the greatest a-ha I’ve had as a parent ever.
This is why you can have three kids raised by the same parents, in the same fashion, and one comes out healthy and successful, another struggling with addiction, and another one estranged from the family. I used to wonder, how the FUCK does that happen? Now, I get it. It’s not that the parents did anything wrong, clearly one kid did amazingly well! It’s simply that the SAME way of connecting to that child proved inefficient for the others.
What would the world look like if parents took the time to understand the design of their kids and therefore support them, hold space for them, and engage with them in a way that REALLY spoke to them?
The needs of projector children are VASTLY different than those of generator children or of reflector children or of manifestor chidlren! These children communicate differently, they experience love differently, and they need different forms of care and guidance. Add to that each child’s unique inner authority and now you have extremely different children all searching for different things!
While the projector child is here to succeed at life, the generator child is here to find fulfillment!
While the manifestor child can initiate relationships, projects, careers, the reflector child has to wait a whole MONTH before making any decisions!
That’s a BIG difference! And it matters a ton.
The Epidemic of Burnout
There is a reason why in our society as a whole (and pretty globally for first world nations) there is such a massive case of burnout. Too many people living outside of their design, hustling, killing themselves with stress, acquiring a bunch of strange conditions and never understanding that with some deconditioning and re-alignment, they could heal so deeply.
Human Design was actually started with the intention of helping parents parent their children so that they would not need to decondition as adults. I find this absolutely fascinating. Knowing everything I have personally had to decondition from, I cannot even imagine a healthy adult that is so completely aligned they don’t have any shadow work to do.
You Can Change Your Relationship To Yourself & Your Child
It’s never too late to gather a greater awareness of how to honor yourself and your children more. It’s never too late to learn enough to create genuine change in your dynamics. In the included video I share a personal experience I had with my son and I share our charts side by side so that you can see exactly what I mean as I outline our emotional differences.
If you are needing support and would like your chart, your child’s chart, or both of your charts done – it would be an honor to help you unravel that unique and significant mystery.
In LOVE and Sovereignty,