It’s pretty nuts to me how quickly we go from, “I adore you and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you” to, “You are a selfish asshole and you never listen to me!” Ahh. Relationships.
Aren’t they just, magical?
It’s too true though. We begin with this overwhelming amount of love and appreciation for this other being who has stepped into our lives and dramatically improved the quality of our life, and we quickly derail into making them the center object of every fault in our lives. Quite frankly, it’s mind blowing how often and how rapidly this is the standard path most relationships take.
So, what happens? How do we go from fairy tale love to downright loathing?
It’s really simple, actually.
When we first fall in love, most likely, you fall in love with someone who is very much THEM. Maybe they love to play piano and you heard them for the first time and were blown away. Maybe you saw them build something with their own hands and you marveled at their dexterity. Maybe you observed them in a social engagement and you were swept away by their charm and charisma.
Whatever it was, something about them being them captivated you totally. It drew you in and had you going straight for the feels in no time. So then you decide, I LOVE this person! I want them to be my person. So you start dating.
At first everything is rosy. You are you and they are them and it’s all love and sexy time and good feelings. Then something begins to happen that is often completely overlooked by both parties – you both stop doing what you love and what makes you who you ARE for the sake of spending more time together. Read that over again and let it sink in.
I would be willing to bet all of you $100 dollars you can almost pinpoint when that moment was in all of your relationships.
We falsely assume that by NOT doing what we love as individuals and instead investing that time in this other person, it will maintain a happy and healthy relationship. Yeah, not so much.
Instead, what ends up happening is the two of you lose touch with who you are at your core, separating you from your personal happiness, thus making you dependent on this other person to create happiness in YOU and when that doesn’t happen – ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.
You guys, hear me on this – you can ONLY be as happy together, as you are separately. Snuff your individual joys and you will undoubtedly snuff your relationship right along with them.
In this video, I talk about my own marriage and how I’ve found that encouraging each other to take care of ourselves in the ways that feed us most, has been invaluable to maintaining a fulfilling marriage.
May you all find the love in your hearts to continuously build each other up and encourage each other to keep your internal flames alive!